Have you ever let the number on the scale determine your happiness? I have! I’ve let it define my worth. I’ve allowed that arbitrary number to keep me away from social engagements because I felt ashamed that none of my clothes “fit right”. I looked in the mirror and said awful things to myself based on my appearance and not being the “right size”.
Well, Fuck That.
I currently weigh more than I ever have before. I know the two reasons why; 1. Two months ago I found out that I’m not allergic to dairy for the first time in my life so I’ve been eating cheese like it’s going out style. 2. Emotional eating. I’ve been making powerful internal shifts and also struggling to release things that are no longer serving me and at times I reach for sugar or salt to numb my overwhelm.
So the question is, what am I going to do about it? I am passionate about promoting self-love and body acceptance. I’m even leading a workshop on it this weekend! (Check out my Radiant Self Care Workshop!) Yet here I am hearing that old dialogue trying to creep back in. Ridiculous things like, “You’re not good enough if you weigh that much.” “Don’t let anyone see you like this. They won’t like you anymore.” “How could you be so lazy and let yourself go.” Isn’t it strange, the way we talk to ourselves? I would NEVER say (or even think) any of these things to another woman. Yet here I am saying them to my best friend, myself.
I love myself so much now. That means I get to respond differently today. Is there anything wrong with being the weight I am right now? No. I’m still capable of doing everything I need to do and I still feel beautiful. My clothes are very tight so I am at crossroads of lose 5-10 lbs or buy new clothes and my disdain for shopping is actually the #1 reason I want to lose weight right now. Not because I hate myself. Now I get to explore how I want to lose weight. In the past I would crash diet as fast and hard as possible which made me hangry and unhappy which proves that my weight doesn’t determine my happiness because that self hatred would still be there when the 5 lbs was gone. I don’t want to crash diet right now. I want to lose weight slowly and with grace while I love myself and my body the entire time. I can stop eating cheese every day, start adding in more veggies, and explore fun ways to love myself more.
This is a tough topic for me to discuss but I’m sure I’m not the only woman who has experienced this confusion around the number on the scale. Please know that I understand and I love you. Your weight does not define you or your worth. You are a strong, capable, empowered, sensual, deserving, and incredible woman.
With all my love,