Dear Hormone Horoscope,

I want to have your babies! And thanks to you, I know the best day of the month to make that happen!

I don’t know if my sex ed classes were majorly lacking in information or if I was too busy making jokes to absorb the info but it wasn’t until now -now that I’m 34 freaking years old- that I know what the hell is going on in my body. It’s so empowering!

A few months ago, I heard from multiple female entrepreneurs, that they schedule their businesses in alignment with their cycle. Mind. Blown. That shit just makes way too much sense. One of my magical gypsy friends suggested the app, Hormone Horoscope and it has been a major game changer for me.

This is my third month of using it as an aide for working with, rather than fighting against, my cycle and natural hormones. Right now I am at the start of Week 2. (Week 1 is the on-set of your period and for me feels pretty run-of-the-mill. Not super low vibes but also not a ton of energy.) But now I’m on to my FAVORITE week of the month! Week 2 is when my body is preparing for ovulation and my cavewoman brain is on the PROWL for a strapping baby daddy. I have no intention of getting knocked up this week but I have learned to fully embrace the charming effervescence that these hormones produce. This is the week I will be scheduling more client meetings and pitching myself to potential collaborators because my brain power and energy are at their highest point of the month. I should also make a few videos because as I become more fertile my appearance literally changes. Our faces appear more symmetrical, our waists shrink by 1/2 inch making us look curvier, and our skin glows. Isn’t that crazy?! I will also go out this weekend and attempt to surround myself with high energy friends and any one I’d like to make a good impression on. I’ll be more charming, energetic, and flirtatious so I’m going to take advantage of that! (Plus, I know that in two weeks I’ll be opting to curl up on the couch under my heated blanket with the desire to speak only to my bag of gummy bears.)

This is the more exciting part of my cycle but I have also learned how to embrace my lower energy days and use those to do internal work. Those are the days of the month that I do a lot of brainstorming about next steps in business. I also let myself cry, release emotional shit that has been building up, and I snuggle with my kiddos more. I’ve been clean and sober for over 5 years and I really wish I would’ve understood my cycle during my years of addiction. There was a point when my doctor said, “Oh my god! You relapse every month a couple days before your period starts!” Ugh. Lightbulb moment. Now I can anticipate my “the world is an evil place” days and I can face them with an understanding that in 72 hours I’ll like my family again and I might even stop eating all the cheese in the city.

I’m incredibly grateful for the massive amount of info this app, Hormone Horoscope has given me. It breaks down facts, stats, and suggestions in the categories of; Mood, Brain, Energy, Money, Romance (Single & In a Relationship), Sex, Career/School/Projects, Food, Sleep, Make Today Better, and Fun Fact. I highly recommend it!

Let’s understand and take control of our magnificent bodies so that we can show up in the world as EMPOWERED BADASS WOMEN!

Find Hormone Horoscope in your App Store (The Free Version rocks! And Pro version is $1.99) And you can find more info on


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