Happy Holiday Monday!
Here’s a quick reminder that today is the last day to take advantage of our Holiday Self Love Special
If you’ve been thinking about signing up for the digital self love course that Sol, of Sol + Heart Coaching and I co-created – Radiance – you can read more about the course HEREIt’s a great course if you’re wishing to feel more connected and joyful in your life and with yourself – and it’s self-paced, online, and a sweet holiday treat to gift yourself or someone you love.
This weekend was my birthday! The big 3-5. I absolutely love celebrations but this time of year has always been bittersweet for me. Growing up I was raised primarily by a single-mom. My father was an addict suffering from bipolar disorder and self-medicating with drugs and alcohol. I would go years without seeing or hearing from him. Until my birthday or Christmas… Every few years, my Dad would call me to say, “Happy Birthday” and “I’m sorry”. Those phone calls were so confusing and disturbing. I loved my Dad but hearing from him would momentarily turn my world upside down. I would shut down for days having no words for the loss I was feeling.
My father has been dead for many years but even in adulthood I find myself waking up on my birthday feeling uncomfortable and full of anticipation for a phone call that will never come. This was the first year that I was fully conscious of where my holiday dis-ease comes from. I decided to be extra gentle with myself and only plan things that felt really good.
On Saturday, I started my day with my family, (and a huge coconut milk latte). I had a fun tarot reading (that I recently won) with Leah Barnett of SHE Awakening, where we discussed the next new year of my life. I had my hair and makeup professionally done by the incredible, MaryAlice of Ebb & Flow Hair Boutique in preparation for a promotional video shoot. I am on the Board of Directors for a local non-profit, Victims for Justice and I had the pleasure of bringing on my good friend and excellent filmmaker, Jonathon Lang of The Man Behind the Curtain Films to shoot our much needed video. That was a deeply important part of my day. Then I went to a 3-hour chanting meditation class at Open Space Yoga. I will admit that the length was challenging for me but it was also really nice to have 3 hours of peace in a room full of high vibe people. Then my musician brother and I went out on the town to hear some bands, mingle with friends, and dance the night away.
My journey of healing has led me to this space where I could show up fully for myself and others. Part of showing up for me meant giving myself permission to go home at any part of the night if I started to feel uncomfortable. I used to people please like crazy but I love myself too much to waste my energy in that way today. I was able to spend time with people I love while honoring the little girl version of me who was waiting to hear from her Father.
(This is one of the only pictures I have with him. It’s amazing how much nature, vs. nurture, affects us and also how much we can love someone who wasn’t present. I know he’s in another world without pain now. Dancing, singing, and being the entertaining goofball he loved to be.)
We all have stories from our past that are a part of who we are today. I extend an invitation to you to see how you can nurture, encourage, love, and be gentle with any parts of you that may be feeling discomfort today.
With that, I’ll close with a reminder that there are about 12 hours left to take me up on the Holiday Self Love Special that will arm you with so many tools to heal, let go, and become more awesome. Sign up here. 
With Love,
Blaze

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